by 
An eleven-year-old girl has delighted her parents by announcing her intention to learn how to play the sweetest sounding of all instruments, the violin.
Lucy Williams, who started at her new secondary school this week, was loaned a violin by an exceptionally generous music teacher, who presumably wanted to inflict the joyous sound of the instrument on as many innocent people as possible.
“My teacher thinks I’m a natural,” beamed Lucy, showing off her new instrument.
“And she has already entered me for a solo at the school Christmas concert at the end of the term, so of course I will have to practise for hours and hours every day to make sure I’m ready for that performance.”
Lucy’s mother Eleanor told us through gritted teeth, “Oh yes, it’s great isn’t it, that they can spot raw musical talent at such a young age, and especially when it comes to an instrument that in no way sounds like a cat being flayed alive for what feels like an eternity.
“How splendid that we and four to ten of the neighbouring houses will get to enjoy her practising the same notes over and over again, every day.”
Pulling us to one side, Lucy’s father whispered, “Like any responsible parent, I was worried about my little girl entering the secondary school years – the influence of the older children, being exposed to behaviours we wouldn’t necessarily approve of – but I never, in all my nightmares, expected this.
“I only wish she’d got into drugs, instead.”
