Theresa May hoping to secure lucrative trade deal with Nigerian Prince

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Theresa May is hoping to use her trip Nigeria today to firm up the details of a lucrative low-risk deal with a Prince she has been in email correspondence with over recent months.

“I’m very much looking forward to meeting up with Prince Gabriel when I visit Nigeria,” said Mrs May to the many reporters keen to know what her plans were in the African nation.

“He emailed me out of the blue a few months ago and told me a very sad story about a civil war that was preventing him from accessing much of his vast wealth.

“All I had to do to help him was give him the account details for the Bank of England and he would pay a large amount into our account, which will certainly help with the trade deficit.

“When I sent him the account details I asked him if he was interested in a long-term post-Brexit trade deal. I’ve not heard back but I’m sure he’ll be part of the Nigerian delegation for my visit.

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“There is so much doom and gloom spoken about Brexit but this is evidence that there are deals to be made outwith the EU with good honest brokers who are open for business. It’s almost too good to be true. That reminds me I meant to check with Mark Carney that they received Gabriel’s money OK.”

The Bank of England Governor refused to be drawn on whether the funds had been received but answered simply by banging his head repeatedly against his desk.