Wednesday 29 August 2018 by JS Harding

‘I’m a runner NOT a jogger’ fumes indignant jogger


runner not a jogger

A highly irate man who self-identifies as a ‘runner’ has caused a workplace ruckus by storming out of the tearoom after someone asked if he ‘was still doing the jogging’.

Simon Williams, a 27-year-old sales rep from Aylesbury, thought that he had made it quite clear that he identifies as a runner, was angered when Wendy from payroll enquired as to his jogging prowess.

“I was just trying to fill an uneasy silence whilst we waited for the microwave to ping,” a tearful Wendy told reporters.

“I’d only just put in a posh chicken chasseur that takes six bloody minutes and he turns up with his leftover curry. It was a bit awkward.

“Then I remembered he liked the old joggi… running, running..! And so I asked if he was still doing it. As you would.”

It was at this point that Wendy’s innocent enquiry begat a rage inside Simon that sent shockwaves far beyond the tearoom and into the stationery cupboard.

“It’s not jogging! I’m a bloody annoying runner!” stormed Simon.

“Erm, I mean I’m a runner and I’m bloody annoyed.

“It’s almost as if the old bat didn’t know that us runners go a tiny bit faster than joggers and we say things like ‘5k’ instead of ‘3 miles’ and whizz through the streets wearing NASA-designed hypo-hyper-thermo-cooling-wicking tops that only cost £130, whilst these ‘joggers’ just ‘jog’ around in t-shirts and, well, jogging bottoms!”

It was later confirmed by scientists that running is bloody boring and it’s best if you just don’t talk about it, ever.

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