Chancellor Philip Hammond has been accused of spreading lies by numerous Conservative backbenchers after he wrote a letter to the party insisting that the Emperor is, in fact, not wearing any clothes.
The letter has caused anger across the backbenches, with many MPs accusing Hammond of ‘Project Rear’, and that the very idea we can see the Emperor’s arse is a complete fabrication.
Rent-a-quote Victorian caricature Jacob Rees-Mogg said it was absolutely outrageous for a man who is looking directly at the Emperor every day to suggest so publicly that he doesn’t have any clothes on.
Rees-Mogg told reporters, “All he are doing is fuelling the many ‘clothers’ out there who still think we need to dress the Emperor, when it is obvious to us everyone concerned that he is already adorned in the finest garments money can buy.
“We have decided that the Emperor is the best-dressed leader in the world, and anyone who disagrees with that opinion has to get in line or they can jolly well go and live on the continent where I hear they’re all nude most of the time.”
Hammond’s letter itself reminds his colleagues that’s he’s had a long hard look at the Emperor, and given the unique insight that he has as Chancellor, he had come to the unfortunate conclusion that the Emperor is stark bollock naked.
Brexit minister Dominic Raab criticised the timing of the letter, saying it had been published just as he is about to go for a walk with the Emperor to discuss his latest wardrobe.
Raab told reporters, “This letter is a betrayal of the British people who have overwhelmingly agreed the Emperor is fully dressed.
“Everyone knows Hammond needs to get over it. We know he’s only using his position to further his personal agenda. He just wants everyone looking at naked old men like he does, the sicko.”