47 witches have either been indicted or have pled guilty to crimes or misdemeanours in Robert Mueller’s witch hunt.
Mueller, America’s finest witch catcher, began his investigation over a year ago; an investigation which was immediately branded a “witch hunt” by Donald Trump.
“And what a hunt it has been,” smiled Robert Mueller, hanging his 47th witch hat on his ever-more-crowded wall of hunting trophies.
“Donald was technically right, this was absolutely a witch hunt, but I think he meant to infer that we were hunting only him. We weren’t, we were going after ALL of the dodgy bastards in town.
“Tax fraud, bank fraud, hacking the DNC, misuse of campaign funds…not only are these witches, but they are really BORING witches.
“They don’t even do any groovy shit like turning people into frogs, just the kind of dull crimes you can perform while wearing a suit.
“We knew Michael Cohen was guilty, we dunked him in a river and he didn’t even drown. No wonder he entered into a plea deal.”