‘We don’t activate your room keycards on purpose’ admit mischievous hotel staff

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Hotel front desk personnel have admitted that they find it absolutely fucking hilarious when you have to trek all the way back from your room because your key card isn’t working.

Receptionist Simon Williams explained why the non-functioning key card is such a frequent phenomenon.

“It’s totally deliberate,” he said. “Nothing gives us a kick quite like handing a key card to a guest with the words ‘enjoy your stay’ knowing full well they’ll be back in five minutes!

“Then we give them some bullshit about not keeping it near their bank card, ha!

“We obviously can’t do it with all the guests because people would get suspicious, but we have a well-oiled system where every fifth customer gets royally messed with.

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“That said, if people have a particularly large amount of luggage to drag around, and their room is on the other side of the hotel, then we’ll be sure to do them too.”

Reception staff aren’t the only hotel employees to spice up the working day by making life difficult for residents.

Maid Tracey Matthews said, “We don’t actually start hoovering until about eleven in the morning. However, we always turn the machines on at six-thirty to ensure nobody gets a decent lie-in.

“And yes, of course we could clean people’s rooms while they’re having breakfast or when they’ve gone out for the day. However, it’s much more fun to catch them in that little window after brekkie when they want to take a shit and finish getting ready.

“The very last thing we want guests to do is relax.”