Genetically-engineered Mr Toad and foremost loudmouth Nigel Farage’s political comeback has been completely ruined by the fact he never really went away in the first place.
Professor Simon Williams, Head of the Department of Impressive Comebacks at the University of Made-Up Things, said, “Mr Farage is not really doing things by the book in terms of making a comeback.
“For instance, he has always sort of just been there, whenever you turn on the radio, or switch on the TV or, you know, open the wardrobe in your bedroom.
“There he is, blathering on about immigration and how Brexit is rubbish, now that we are actually doing it, because it’s not the very specific sort of Brexit that he wants to see implemented.
“To come back, you have to have gone away. And much to everyone’s distress, Nigel Farage is always there, saying words for money on television or the radio.
“He’s really making some textbook schoolboy errors with his so-called comeback. I mean, most people aren’t even aware he’s making a comeback, such is the minuscule amount of ‘going away’ that he actually attempted.
“Some would even suggest he didn’t even go away at all, but lingered, noxiously. Like one of those farts you do that even surprises yourself with its flagrant aroma.
“I think if he goes away in future, he should follow the example set by much better returners, like Jonas Gutierrez or John Travolta.
“Or, you know, Lord Lucan. I mean, it is going to be some amazing comeback once he turns up!”