Mike Pence is ignoring Satan’s morning temptation as usual.
The Vice President of the United States and elderly Action Man template woke, as usual, this morning in his good Christian bed next to his equally Christian wife, to find that some kind of tent had popped up around the nether regions.
“It must have been that dream I had about Reaganomics. I guess I am, after all, only human,” sighed Pence.
“Looks like we’re in for another morning of me accidentally sweeping vases from their tabletops and both my wife and I trying desperately to avoid looking at this thing.
“What? USE it? I’m not sure I know what you mean, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to find out. Now, please leave my house. It’s weird that you were here when I woke up anyway.”
The Vice President’s wife, Karen, said, “Mike is so strong in his mission to be a pure Christian under Jesus’ watchful eye. He won’t touch that thing, or let me touch it for that matter.
“Penises are for urinating and procreation. Mike has been very clear in his views about that, hence the three times we have participated in the Devil’s rodeo in order to create our children, and the eight times Mike has urinated because he simply couldn’t hold it in anymore.
”We are strong Christian people with strong Christian values and we have no wish to take advantage of Mike’s strong Christian penis.
”That being said, I do wish he’d fuck me rotten sometimes.”