NASA have today announced a surprising shift of focus away from Mars and onto a project that will actually benefit humanity.
After losing contact with their Opportunity rover in a recent dust storm on the red planet, the scientists at NASA have agreed to devote their incredible intellect and skill towards the construction of a printer that consistently does what you bloody ask it to.
NASA spokesperson Chuck Williams addressed reporters this morning saying, “It is with some sadness that we have decided to shelve our Mars Exploration Program, at least for the time being.
“The unpredictability of the Martian climate, coupled with the expense of getting what is basically a remote controlled car all that way just for it to be crippled by a dust storm has forced us to reconsider our priorities.
“As you know, NASA is all about pushing the boundaries of human achievement. They said men would never walk on the moon – but we did it. They said we’d never land anything on Mars – but we did it.
“Now, we face a gargantuan challenge, and we will not shy away from it. Work will begin immediately on the development of a printer that works 100% of the time, and boy are we excited about this one. We love an impossible task.”
Jared James, an office worker from Florida who spent several hours last week cursing his printer, told us, “I’d happily pay through the nose for a NASA printer for the office, if it means no more paper jams or having ‘documents pending’ for an indefinite amount of time in the printing queue.
“It’ll save my knuckles from punching this pile of crap on a daily basis, too.”