US Prisons empty as Donald Trump pardons any inmate who insists they didn’t do it

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The US prison service is in disarray after Donald Trump set free any inmate that assured him they had nothing to do with the crime with which they were charged.

Law and order officials in the US have been left scratching their heads after the president undid all of their hard work by simply taking the word of whoever is stood in front of the time.

Prison worker Chuck Williams told us, “We have, sorry, had prisoners here who had committed awful crimes, but one meeting with Donald Trump and suddenly it doesn’t matter what the FBI and federal prosecutors found – his gut tells him they’re innocent so off they trot.

“I know the FBI has challenged him on this, and the president insists he respects them, but then he always says something like ‘why would he do that crime when he knows he’ll be in prison for it, what’s the benefit?’.

“Don’t get me wrong, the US prison system is a bit of a shit show and in dire need of reform, but we were hoping for something a little gentler than this.

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“We also shouldn’t be surprised that he started by pardoning the white-collar criminals.”

A recently pardoned prisoner, Larry Matthews, told us he was extremely grateful to the president for not looking at the facts of his case, and taking him at his word, instead.

He went on, “I think we all know that if he’d given a cursory glance to the evidence accumulated by the many law enforcement agencies that it took to catch me, then I’d still be in prison.

“Thankfully all it took was a nod and a wink and he gave me the pardon that let me go.

“He truly is making America great again! Well, for people like me, anyway.”