Elon Musk’s hyperloop to revolutionise public transport for nonces

author avatar by 5 years ago

Elon Musk’s revolutionary hyperloop transport system could enable nonces to travel great distances to find their prey, according to experts.

The business magnate’s bold idea is seen as a boon to kiddie fiddlers who were previously forced on to outmoded, public transport such as buses, where they would often attract suspicious glances because of their attire.

Industry analyst, Simon Williams, said, “Each hyperloop pod can house up to twenty paedophiles of average weight, with room for another two concealed within the overhead storage compartment.

“In addition, there is the potential for a separate pod containing traditional child molester accoutrements such as puppies, long coats and bags of crisps.

“Musk’s system would allow a pervert in Cornwall to meet a teenager in Aberdeen a mere thirty minutes after snapchatting his genitals via Instagram, or whatever.”

Meanwhile, Musk angrily rejected Williams’s criticisms, telling reporters, “I can’t see it being a problem as all passengers will be subject to the usual rigorous background checks.

“For example, we will look at their recent travel history and see whether this included any elaborate cave rescue attempts in Thailand.

Williams added, “And if you ask me, the provision of free Wi-fi internet access is just asking for trouble.

“I get the feeling that Elon hasn’t really thought this through.”