Larry the Cat to host Donald Trump at Downing Street reception

author avatar by 6 years ago

Britain’s most credible remaining senior member of Government is to host a reception for the President when he arrives tomorrow, reports indicate.

Larry, who has been consistently ‘on-message’ and has caught dozens of mice in his time in Number Ten, also has an adorably fuzzy tummy and manages to keep his shit in a litter tray which is more than can be said for Boris Johnson lately.

Trump and Larry are expected to have an in-depth discussion on matters of mutual interest, including food quality standards in Kit-e-Cat and ‘foreign rats coming over here, bringing the Black Death.’

Larry had expressed concerns over Trump’s famous preference for grabbing pussy, but received reassurances that he definitely didn’t mean him.

Downing Street insiders told us that the decision to give Larry hosting duties was not a difficult one as he has not given the Prime Minister his full support in the last 48 hours and so is not expected to publicly and loudly resign at any moment.

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“We asked about for volunteers to host Donald Trump, but everyone was too busy preparing their resignation letters and as such didn’t time to host the reception tomorrow”, we were told.

“We even considered getting Jeremy Corbyn to do it, but he’s even less reliable than a cat, so that idea was quickly dropped.”

“Then Larry said he was prepared just to lie about the place licking his own arsehole, so we thought he and the President would have a lot in common and went for it.”