England are out of the World Cup and all of those waistcoats are definitely going back.
With the spirit of joy and optimism dashed over the course of two hours, England fans are standing together once again – this time in the returns queue at the local Marks & Spencer.
“It’s coming home,” grinned England fan, Simon Williams.
“And by ‘it’, I mean this waistcoat, and by ‘home’, I mean back to Marks and Spencer via their helpful customer service department.
“Look at all these wonderful people in the queue, all returning their waistcoats, hoping and dreaming that their return will be processed for the simple reason that this item of clothing now represents nothing but broken dreams.”
Fellow England fan, Jason Gumtree, said, “It’s been a wonderful experience bonding with Simon and the rest of the lads here in the queue. We all came here with the same dream, to return these waistcoats and claim back our £30 that in hindsight wasn’t the wisest investment.
“And, of course, like all good England fans, we’re going to smash this place up whether they refund our money or not.”