Wednesday 11 July 2018 by Davywavy

Tedious twat hopes England lose


man hoping for England to be beaten

Local smug tosser Simon Williams has confirmed he likes it when people he thinks are beneath him are unhappy.

Simon, who would have taken a vicarious delight at the dismay of millions had England gone out on penalties against Columbia, has told friends that losing to Croatia would be the ‘best thing that could happen’.

Any outcome which results in people crying rather than cheering in a pub beer garden is to be strongly desired, he added.

“I mean look at those people, all dancing about with their fat bellies and beer enjoying themselves,” he told us.

“Isn’t it just awful? Why can’t they just stay quietly in their place?

“Or even better stay at home eating kale chips and watching the latest series of a Scandinavian crime drama where everyone is miserable all the time? That’s what normal people like me do.

“Instead it’s all barbeques and beer and girls in St George flag bikinis and being happy. God, it makes me sick. The quicker we lose and go back to knowing our place the happier I’ll be.”

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