Popcorn sales spike across Europe

author avatar by 5 years ago

Sales of popcorn have leapt a dramatic 4,500% across Europe today, with ‘incredible’ volumes of the snack selling in Brussels, according to reports.

Popcorn, which is eaten by the handful by people watching entertainment, horror movies and car crashes, is understood to have ‘sold out’ in both Paris and Berlin – with emergency supplies being shipped to Brussels to meet demand.

“I’m just sat in front of my screen, watching the news, and there must be twenty or thirty popcorn containers scattered around my desk,” said Euro-MP Simeon Wilhems.

“And everyone else in the building is exactly the same.

”I admit that I’ve not eaten it all – when Boris went I spat a pretty big mouthful over the representative from Vilnius.

“Fortunately he didn’t mind as he was busy choking on his at the time and we had to do the Heimlich manoeuvre on him.”

Reports from Berlin suggest that Angela Merkel has announced a new industrial plan to rebalance the German manufacturing base towards popcorn as ‘we’re going to need a shitload of this stuff yet the way things are going’.

Meanwhile, in Moscow, Vladimir Putin is understood to have allowed himself to slowly savour one, solitary piece in satisfaction at a job well done.