Boggle, Booze and Brexit: PM’s plans for Chequers away day

author avatar by 5 years ago

The Prime Minister has revealed details about today’s Cabinet summit at Chequers.

“It’s gonna be mental!” gushed an obviously excited Theresa May.

“Boris asked if he could wear a pair of those ‘jeans’ like a poor person. I said that everyone could go mufti as long as they stuck a quid in the Brexit fund – we’ll be needing that!

“Now, I know the Cabinet is a bit of a sausage fest so I thought I’d start the day with a great little ice-breaker – Body Boggle! Nothing puts a lady at ease more than having Michael Gove’s arse in her face. I imagine.

“Then I’m going to put everyone into groups and get them to brainstorm Brexit issues on flip charts.

“This is the important bit – on the third page of Jeremy Hunt’s chart I’ll have already drawn a great big cock and balls! I can’t wait to see his face when he reveals it!

“I’ll be like ‘Aaaaaaah!’ and Jezza’ll be like ‘eeeeeeyyyy!’

“Next I’ll give everybody one of those personality tests – you know, to find out if anyone has one, who’s an introverted psychopath, who’s an extroverted psychopath and so on. It’s important we know ourselves as a team.

“After that there’ll be a bloody long lunch break cos God knows we’ll deserve it.

“I’m handing over to David Davis in the afternoon. He’ll be explaining the Brexit plans through the medium of interpretive dance because, you know, he might as fucking well!

“If all goes to plan we’ll be in the boozer by half three.

“At that point my advisors can come up with some Brexit bullshit to tell the press so it looks like we know what we’re doing.

“I’m sure they’ll think of something!”