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Roy Keane is coming out of retirement to knock the piss out of Neymar.
Following the kind of childish displays of fake pain from Neymar that would embarrass a five-year-old, the no-nonsense Irishman declared “right…” before switching off the television, rising from his chair and hitting the heavy punching bag in his garage.
“If he wants to roll around on the floor crying, let’s at least give him a reason,” proposed Keane, practising his trademark kick-to-the-knackers on a nearby training dummy.
“He’s a skilled lad, no doubt, but that kind of namby-pamby, cheating, attention-seeking bullshit is just asking for a good punch in the throat, and I don’t trust anybody to do it properly but me.
“Some would say that I’m over-reacting, to which I would argue that’s exactly what Neymar is doing, and it should come as no surprise to anybody that ‘an eye for an eye’ is very much one of my philosophies in life.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to headbutt my way to Russia.”
