A man who has no interest in ITV 2s Love Island seems to think that everyone wants him to tell them, according to reports this morning.
Lonely misanthrope Simon Williams, whose interests appear to include being angry about things that make other people happy on the Internet, labours under the delusion that other people are fascinated by how he has no interest in attractive people trying to shag each other in the sunshine.
Despite not caring about the show, Simon has taken the time to track down more than half the people in his office in order to tell them exactly how much he doesn’t care about it, and is expected to have got to everyone he has missed so far before the day is out.
Having ensured he’s told everyone how much he doesn’t care about Love Island, he then intends to make sure they all know he has no plans to watch it on the telly.
“It’s just a bunch of idiots prancing around in very few clothes, isn’t it?” he told co-workers whilst blithely ignoring their weary expressions of contempt.
“What I don’t understand is why these clearly mentally ill people get so worked up about something that has absolutely no relevance to their actual lives.
“I don’t get how they can become so emotionally invested in what happens to people they don’t know or will ever meet, getting paid handsomely to do fun things hundreds of miles away.
“Anyway, I can’t wait to go and watch the footy on Saturday. I’ve got a Harry Kane shirt that I like I wear.”