‘Is it me or is Gareth Southgate getting progressively more sexy?’ enquires everybody

author avatar by 5 years ago

Gareth Southgate is definitely looking sexier and sexier.

The England manager first took up his post to a barrage of scoffs, guffaws and “ugh” noises but has since proven himself to be a competent, inspiring leader.

“There was a point in the second half when he went defensive by bringing on Eric Dier, and then we conceded in the 94th minute and I was pretty sure at that point that Southgate was just another dumb-ass gonzo preventing England from gaining its footballing birthright,” said a bemused Simon Williams, die-hard England football team follower.

“And now I think I fancy him.

“Previously, he was just a bloke. But stone me…he cuts such a fine figure in that elegant waistcoat and tie combo, and the way he smoulders when he’s thinking through second-half defensive strategy…it…it makes me feel all warm inside.

“Look at him tugging at his cuffs like he’s James Bond or something.

“Is #GayForSouthgate a trend or a thing yet? Because it’s going to be a thing. Definitely”

Aristocrat, Elizabeth King, said, “A combination of professional success and a peachy arse in a tight-fitting pair of suit trousers would swing anybody, I don’t blame Simon.

“I no longer even care that his nose looks like it’s been broken in 37 different places by various blunt instruments. I just want him well-scrubbed and sent to my room.”

A group of England fans have already coined the chant:

“We’ll shag you ,Southgate, we will!
We’ll shag you, Southgate, we will!
We’ll shag you, Southgate, we will!
Ohhhh, Southgate, we’ll shag you!”