David Cameron has responded to criticism by Danny Dyer by calling him a ‘slag’ who ‘needs a good slapping’.
The former prime minister has taken time away from such pursuits as ‘counting his money’ and ‘thinking about how he fucked the country into a massive hole’ to bite back at the Eastenders actor who accused him of being a ‘twat’.
“Twat or not, you don’t get to take fackin’ liberties like that on my manor,” Cameron told friends.
“That boy needs a facking slap so he knows his place, the fucking mockney. I’ll give him some bloody Barney fackin’ Rubble, don’t you fackin’ worry about it. The boy won’t know what’s fackin’ hit him.
“If he fancies a bit, he’s welcome to come and have a butchers at what I’ve got for him.”
Viewers have expressed their delight at the raised tensions between the pair, with many hoping the ‘beef’ might get to the physical stage.
Television owner Simon Williams told us, “Honestly, if Kim Kardashian’s arse can do it, then I think Danny Dyer dropping one on David Cameron would literally break the Internet.
“I imagine Cameron would fight dirty, with hair pulling and scratching and shit, but I genuinely think a right hook to the nose from Dyer could see Cameron pleading for his piggy.
“He had plenty of metaphorical bloody noses during his political career, but I think I speak for everyone who thinks Brexit is a shit-show when I say I wouldn’t be opposed to him getting a literal one.”