World Cup wallchart industry academics have predicted that the prevalence of this year’s wallcharts that have every result, group table and knock out roster filled in correctly is ‘pretty bloody low,’ it has emerged.
“It’s not looking good,” intoned Professor Simon Williams, the University of Dunstable’s Head of Global Football Wallchartery.
“Based upon the thousands of wallcharts that we have analysed from previous tournaments, the likelihood of an individual accurately working out the goal difference, group placings or filling in the round two schedule without somehow ballsing it up is more inevitable than England’s disappointing exit.”
Prof Williams believes that although most wallchart fillers start off filling the results in extremely neatly, excited and on top of things, a decline sets in once the boring games start to happen, or when some kind of basic transcribing skill is required.
“Working out Runner Up Group B vs. Winner Group D, for example, normally ends up with more scribblings out and misspelt country names than Boris Johnson attempting to list his mistresses dotted around the world.
“And by the time the final comes round, no one will have filled in anything since the third quarter-final, because why would they, or if they have they certainly won’t remember the Egypt – Portugal score.
“Mind you, a lot of people will have got those stupidly big ones that they lack the necessary blu-tac for, and they’ll no doubt be in tatters on the floor.
“Just like England fans during every World Cup, really,” surmised the Prof, with some cynicism.