Tommy Robinson has had his application to become the next Daily Mail editor turned down – because he’s too left wing for their readership.
The English Defence League founder sent his CV to the national newspaper from his prison cell, hoping that his wanton disregard for following correct reporting procedures would strike a chord with executives as they begin their search to replace Paul Dacre.
“Tommy played all innocent when a letter arrived addressed to someone called Mr Yaxley-Lennon,” explained cellmate Winston Flubber.
“But eventually he caved in and opened it. It was from the Mail, basically telling him ‘thanks, but no thanks’.
“It said they appreciated his interest in the role, but that they felt his policies on immigration and Muslims were probably better suited to the Guardian than their rag.”
Hundreds of Robinson supporters were so angered by his failure to land the ‘dream job’ that they began distributing misleading memes and protesting outside Downing Street instead of bothering to look into the clear-as-day facts.
“We’re getting applications from a lot of time wasters,” confirmed a Daily Mail publisher from his overseas nom dom home.
“Steve Bannon, Milo Yiannopoulos, Jayda Fransen, Nigel Farage, Katie Hopkins and that bloke with the map who lives at his mum’s – as if we’d touch one of those lefty libtards.
“We want someone who can help our publication to evolve, a real nasty bastard with no scruples or regard for humanity. So we’ve decided to promote internally.”
I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader) – get the t-shirt!