Key brexiteers all move to the same village in France

author avatar by 6 years ago

Journalists following the trail of Brexiteer expat Lord Lawson have uncovered evidence that suggests several key figures of the Leave campaign have all taken up residence in the small French village of Canulard.

On the terrace of Le Piege A Cons, the village bistro, waitress Simone Guillaumes told reporters that the small hamlet had recently seen the influx of wealthy Brits buying houses, taking citizenship classes and adopting French names.

“Your Seigneur Lawson has been here a long time but we don’t see him much because he still can’t speak any French. The next one to come here after your Brexit was Michel Gauve. He bought an old farmhouse but he ignored the surveyor who told him it would collapse if he didn’t shore up the foundations. Now he lives in a caravan next to the ruins.

“After that came Monsieur Jeansenne who took over the small chateau up on the hill. He is very funny but there are rumours about him and the gendarme’s wife.”

Madame Guillaumes said that the group initially tried to integrate and were popular.

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“They used to come here, drink and have a good time. Sometimes, one of them would yell ‘red bus’ then they would down their drinks, laugh and buy everyone a round. Monsieur Davisse even holds the village records for the most bottles of wine drunk in one evening.”

“But then the government said that they might use a skills-based system to give citizenship to British people and the mood soured.

“Turns out they are completely fucking useless to a man.”