Raheem Sterlings asks why Christians wear a medieval torture device around their necks

author avatar by 5 years ago

England winger Raheem Sterling has responded to criticism of his gun tattoo by asking why Christians insist on wearing a replica of a torture device used to kill people painfully over several days.

Sterling, who is being accused of glamorising gun crime by precisely the sort of tabloid papers you’d expect to be doing it, insists the tattoo is a constant reminder of his father who was shot and killed in Jamaica when he was just a child.

“What sort of sick mind would wear a perpetual reminder of the death of someone they loved. It’s just baffling,” mouth-breathed one tabloid reporter, almost certainly clutching their rosary beads while doing so.

“The only possible explanation for being adorned with something that could be used to hurt another human being is that you tacitly approve of violence against other people – there is no other reason. No, there is not. Shut up.”

Meanwhile, Sterling took a few minutes out from training with the England team ahead of the world cup to address the concerns, by asking about the cross the reporter was wearing around his neck.

Sterling said, “I get that people don’t like my gun tattoo, and that’s up to them – but it’s for me, and my Dad – nothing else. But I would like to know about the medieval crucifixion device you wear proudly around your neck. That seems a bit sick, no?”

“That’s very different,” explained the reporter.

“I wear this is a constant reminder of the death of someone I love and….oh.

“Yes, but this is different. Very different. Because I’m trying to sell newspapers to angry white people and Raheem is a young black man with lots of money.”