Leading ‘newspaper’ The Daily Mail has revealed that literally everyone in Britain is a saboteur, plotting to halt the Brexit they hold so dear.
It made the stunning revelation in a sober, reflective article headlined – ‘Everyone a Brexit Bastard Saboteur Plotter Take Back Control Sovereignty You Can’t Even Say Black Anymore’.
“Look at anyone, literally anyone,” claimed the article.
“You can see it in their eyes. They’re plotting. Plotting to stop Brexit, all of them, everywhere. They’re all at it. Every single one of them. Just look.
“They talk in code, a secret code, they say ‘can I have a bag of Monster Munch and twenty Silk Cut,’ but that is code for ‘we must thwart the will of the people and stop Brexit and bring us back under the dictatorial yoke of Brussels’.”
The article went on to claim that even the most prominent Brexit supporters might well be engaged in the plot.
“Johnson, Gove, Fox, never spoken an honest word in their life.
“They claim to be working for an independent Britain, proudly closed off from the nefarious, menacing hands of anyone who can’t trace their line back to Elizabethan times, but they lie, they lie and they plot.
“They plot to halt the finest act in the history of our great nation since Bloody Sunday.
“They are enemies of the people, like all the people, all the people are enemies of the people.
“All the people.”
The article was written by Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre, who is clearly quite, quite mad.