The soon-to-be Duke of Sussex is being hurried back to Windsor after being found stark naked in Dundee with a traffic cone on his head.
Friends of the Prince are reported to have written ‘Good Luck!’ on his chest in permanent marker and shaved one of his eyebrows, which will have to be painted on for today’s ceremony.
Fortunately, a passerby on her own walk of shame lent the Prince a little red dress to cover his modesty, as Dundee can be quite cold at this, and all times of year.
Palace insiders report that Harry, who was so inebriated he couldn’t remember his own name, will be sobered up with an ‘old royal concoction’ featuring raw eggs, Worcester sauce and Tabasco – a mixture last used to get his mother upright enough to get down the aisle when she realised she was actually going to have to marry Charles.
Royal watchers report it is a mystery how Harry got to Dundee, although a missing helicopter and a dozen empty cans of special brew at Chelsea barracks may offer some clues.
”Obviously the Queen is furious with him,” insiders told us. “If a senior member of the Royal family is going to get messily drunk and naked on their stag do it should be somewhere classy, like Edinburgh or Cheltenham.
“Her Majesty had hoped for Harry’s stag to be about as wild as William’s, when he was in bed for eight thirty with a mug of cocoa and a copy of Country Life as usual.”