An actress is about to say something to a bishop, oo-er missus, it has emerged.
US actress Meghan Markle will shortly be meeting bishop Justin Welby at an important wedding ceremony in Windsor Castle, at which point it is expected she will confirm her name, date of birth and provide documentary evidence of her right to stay.
The princess-to-be, or duchess, or whatever, will then say some words directly at the bishop using her mouth as the happy couple, for now at least, take their vows before God, their families and Sky News.
Although the exact form of words that the actress will say to the bishop is not known, it is hoped they will be along the lines of “I do” or “I will”, and not “Where’s my Daddy?”
Double entendre fan, Simon Williams, said, “Her exact words are irrelevant, frankly.
“What’s important here is that an actress is going to say something to a bishop in real life, not as a punchline to some smutty joke, and from that point on my existence will be complete.
“I have waited many years for this event to occur, just so that I could nudge the person next to me, wink a little, and say ‘as the actress said to the bishop’ .
“That she’s being taken right up the aisle moments before Harry tenderly fingers her ring is for me, quite frankly, a bonus.”
Ms Markle said, “Well, uh, strictly speaking, we don’t say ‘actress’ anymore. I prefer the term ‘actor’, but who am I to ruin a 200-year-old British tradition and piss on Simon’s fireworks?”
Williams added, “I hope whatever she says to the bishop that she gets it right, otherwise she can expect quite a mouthful later on.
“Oh don’t be so disgusting.”