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Jeremy Corbyn is bricking it today after a credible leader announced his return to the UK’s political left scene, according to reports.
The Labour leader was tending his allotment and counting down the days to the forthcoming glorious hard Brexit he had always dreamed of when he heard the news of David Miliband rearing his beautiful head once again.
“Jezza received a phone call yesterday morning giving him the news he’d been dreading,” confirmed neighbouring allotment owner Simon Williams, 82.
“Not that Diane Abbott had done another radio interview – but that David Miliband was back in politics.
“He went all shaky and had to sit down for a few moments to compose himself. Then he started muttering about how it everything might be alright because surely David’s appearance wouldn’t provoke a leadership contest, would it, and everyone still loves singing ‘oh Jeremy Corbyn’, right?”
Simon went on, “Jezza then recovered slightly and said to me ‘Well, at least he can’t eat a bacon sandwich in front of the press without making a fool of himself, so I should be ok’.
“I didn’t have the heart to correct his mistake.”
