Southerners who categorise meal times incorrectly are to be punished, at long last.
Following an ironic appreciation of Yorkshire, many people in the South have got a bit carried away and taken to referring to “lunch” as “dinner” and “dinner” as “tea”.
“God knows what they’ve got planned for ‘brunch’…” shuddered Simon Williams, Minister of Languages and soft Southerner, as you’d imagine.
“In any case, we welcome this new piece of legislation. It’s £100 for a first-time offence, and up to five years in prison for repeat offenders, where both lunch AND dinner are both equally dreadful, so you can call them what you like in there – and also in Yorkshire.
“However, out here, in a civilised society, you will learn that dinner is your main meal of the day and, unless you’re some kind of freak who doesn’t work 9-5, you eat that meal in the evening.
“And tea is a fucking drink. That is all.”
Southerner, Jay Cooper, who reckons he’s Northern because his Uncle was born in Kettering, said, “Aye up, you can shove that up’t’arse.”