People who hold their f**king phone to their f**king ear almost extinct

author avatar by 6 years ago

Nearly every twat is holding their phones at arm’s length and shouting into it like they’re on The Apprentice or something, according to research this morning.

A recent study shows that people are walking around holding their phones in front of them with the speaker on, or using hands-free kits even though their hands are clearly doing f**k-all else and could be put to good use holding a phone to their ear.

“The traditional, non-moronic style of telephone usage is slowly dying,” confirmed sociologist, Simon Williams, who led the study.

“There is a new generation of phone users coming through who would rather hold their phone directly in front of their mouth and put the speaker on so as to annoy everyone within a twenty-foot radius.

“It’s not a communicator from Star Trek; it’s a mobile phone. Unfortunately, this moronic trend has now overtaken the style learned from picking up a household phone and holding it to one’s ear.

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“Interestingly, however, even the worst phone owners do seem capable of using it correctly when booking an appointment at the STD clinic, or giving out their card details to a shop.”

Young person, Jay Cooper, said, “Ear cancer, innit.

“That’s why I hold my phone two feet in front of me and yell at it. It’s just safer – well, in terms of phone usage anyway. Other people on the bus punch me sometimes.

“I reckon it’s better to look a bit of a twat than to be all dead from cancer of the ear.”

Simon Williams said, “We’re still debating that.”