Gooners already deciding who to blame for next season’s poor performance

author avatar by 6 years ago

Arsenal football clubs is rumoured to be planning to pick three managers now, to save time next autumn.

The North London football team are understood to be in crisis meetings all day, after Arsene Wenger’s departure left them with a vacancy in the critical ‘team scapegoat’ role.

Fans are excited at the prospect of a new face at which they can guide their vitriol, and the club is keen to ensure if provides the fans with the level scapegoat they have come to expect.

Club management has called for suggestions for who they can pin their next failure to qualify for the Champions League on, so long as the finger does not end up pointing at them in any way whatsoever.

“Top of the list of scapegoats is Arsene Wenger’s failure to spend more in the 1998 season, followed by Piers Morgan being an insufferable arsehole, and then in third place is the ‘wrong sort of grass on the pitch’,” said club Chairman Simon Williams.

“With a bit of luck and a fair wind, by Christmas we’ll be blaming the poor results on ‘morale and unreasonable refereeing decisions’ before everything just peters out into general grumbling by next March.”

“However, we want fans to go into the next season confident that our staggering run of underperformance and disappointment will continue unabated under, whoever is unfortunate enough to pick up the reins in the summer.

“To our loyal followers I’d like to say we won’t disappoint you. Well, we will, but you know what I mean.”