Tuesday 17 April 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Tony Blair remains dangerously erect four days after Syrian intervention


Tony Blair Syria intervention

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair’s erection remains strong some four days after first becoming tumescent on hearing news of British military intervention in the Middle East.

Mr Blair was admitted to hospital suffering priapism on Sunday evening, he was overheard saying – “Those bombs. I just can’t stop thinking about those bombs. Those lovely, lovely bombs.”

“A four-day case of priapism would be a concern for any man, “ said Simon Williams, the doctor who drew the short straw to treat Mr Blair.

“But Mr Blair is in his mid-sixties, and to have a four-day erection in your mid-sixties is a very serious medical condition, and is in no way funny at all. Not in any way.”

It is understood that Mr Blair initially tried to manage the condition himself.

“On hearing news of the Middle-Eastern military intervention Mr Blair began frantically masturbating,” continued Doctor Williams.

“This can often prove a cure for priapism.

“I understand that throughout Saturday, the day following the intervention, Mr Blair masturbated over the bombing some sixteen times.”

Sadly, the constant frantic masturbation did nothing to quiet Mr Blair’s erection, and he was admitted to hospital.

it is expected that following a course of treatment involving someone reading out legal precedents for war crimes, Mr Blair’s penis should become flaccid and he will make a full recovery.

NewsThump would like to formally apologise for the use of the phrase ‘Mr Blair’s penis’ in this article, and for any subsequent mental images that may have occurred as a result.

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