Following comments that Russia should both ‘go away’ and ‘shut up,’ diplomatic Svengali Gavin Williamson has told Russia that it’s ‘horrid’ and it ‘smells.’
The devastating statement sums up the outrage felt in London following the nerve agent poisoning in Salisbury.
“I hate Russia loads and loads,” said Mr Williamson, expanding on his original statement.
“They did a bad thing and I hope that their Mums give them all a smack on their bum-bums with their trousers and pants down.
“They’re horrid and they smell like poopy-heads.”
Mr Williamson’s initial comments that ‘Russia should go away and shut up’ marked a new level of sophisticated rhetoric from the Defence Secretary, and are said to have left Moscow officials in a spin.
“In fact, they probably all smell because they did loads of poos in their pants and they smell of poo,” said Mr Williamson, channelling the oratorical mastery of greats such as Churchill and Elizabeth I.
“Pooey pants, pooey pants. Russia’s just a lot of pooey pants.
“I bet that smelly old Mr Putin has to wear a nappy like a baby because he does so many poos in his pants.”
Although Russia has yet to respond to Williamson’s ‘pooey pants’ allegations, they did issue the following response to Mr Williamson’s initial ‘go away and shut up’ statement.
A Kremlin statement explained that “Mr Williamson should grow up and treat this diplomatic crisis with the seriousness that it deserves.
“Also, he’s is a big willy-faced willy who looks like a willy.”