We shouldn’t rush to conclusions about Alderaan, says Jeremy Corbyn

author avatar by 6 years ago

Jeremy Corbyn, a leader from the Islington system, has risked the ire of his own supporters by stating that he had yet to see any conclusive evidence that the planet of Alderaan was destroyed by an Imperial battle station.

Simon 6T3, a protocol droid owned by Mr Corbyn, insisted that his master only wanted to possess all the facts before joining a rebel alliance.

“This would not be the first time intelligence from Bothan spies lead us to wage an unjust war. Remember Naboo?

“Jeremy insists that strict investigation protocols be used to ascertain that Alderaan did not just get lost or maybe there was a gas leak or something.”

This stance had enraged many of Mr Corbyn’s supporters who believe the extermination of a whole planet merited a more confrontational approach towards Emperor Palpatine. A perspective Simon 6T3 rejected.

“Jeremy has always been against conflict and has never hidden that belief. He is on record as trying to stop the X-wing program as he spoke out against attempts to recruit known warmongers like Obi-Wan Kenobi.

“Jeremy proposes to lead a peace delegation to Coruscant as he believes dialogue should always prevail over primitive anti-Sith rhetoric.”

Opponents of Jeremy Corbyn have seized on this opportunity to call him an Imperial lackey. Several published old photos of Mr Corbyn speaking at an anti-Clone rally alongside Anakin Skywalker during the eighties.

The connection with Darth Vader has long been a thorn in Mr Corbyn’s side who maintains the acquaintance was based not on politics but on a mutual love of seeing Diane Abbot dance in a metal bikini.