The White House has announced that the new Secretary of State will be some guy. He is expected to serve until Sunday or Monday, whereupon the President will look to appoint some other guy.
The announcement comes in the wake of a different guy being fired from the post last night.
“So, this new guy? He’s a great guy, really strong, a really good guy,” said President Trump as if he genuinely believed what he was saying.
“We found him in a bar over in Georgetown and, you know, he had a pretty loud voice so I think he’s going to do just great. He’ll be great. We’re all doing just great.”
Little is currently known about the new Secretary of State but the White House did issue a brief introductory statement claiming that ‘the guy was pretty clean and owned at least one pair of matching shoes. His name is Lenny or Larry or something like that.’
The White House will not bother to assign the new Secretary of State an office but he will be given a space next to the bathrooms so that he can leave his coat bunched up the floor.
It is understood that this other guy was pretty mad that the guy got the job of Secretary of State but was consoled by the assurance that the President would almost certainly fire someone else in the next few days who would need to be replaced with some guy, and this other guy would be as good as any.