Rex Tillerson coincidentally sacked by Donald Trump just minutes after implicating Russia in UK poisoning

author avatar by 6 years ago

A man who pledged the USA would help Britain against Russia has been fired by the President for some reason, we can report.

Rex Tillerson – who was Secretary of State for the United States until he rashly suggested that Russians going around murdering folk on allied soil ‘was a bad thing’ – was sacked by the President when he woke up shortly after 11am this morning.

Tillerson’s statement, which suggested the USA would take action against Vladimir Putin, was by an amazing coincidence pretty much the last thing he ever did in the role except get handed a big box with his personal possessions in it.

“The President had been thinking about Rex’s position for a long time,” White House Spokesman Simon-Bob Williams told us in a statement.

When challenged, Williams acknowledged that thinking about anything for more than eight minutes was considered a ‘long time’ for the President.

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He went on, “Mister Tillerson taking a hard line against Russia in public and his position of Secretary of State becoming completely untenable on the same day is just a massive, massive coincidence.

“Criticising Russia, and it’s wonderful leadership, has nothing to do with Rex’s sacking. We would have sacked him even if he’d said Russia was a kind and generous nation and clearly innocent of the thing everyone in the world knows they did.

“However, we’re hoping he can be replaced by someone with a much softer and more accommodating approach to Vladimir Putin, so we’ve already reached out to prime candidates like Nigel Farage and Jeremy Corbyn.”