A whippet named Tease has won Best In Show at Crufts, the annual tournament for those with a strong interest in the practice of eugenics.
The two-year-old beat off competition from six other genetically-superior dogs in the culmination of the four-day show at Birmingham’s National Exhibition Centre (NEC).
Tease’s handler Simon Williams said, “This is vindication for the years of selective breeding experiments that I have undertaken.
“With the ongoing elimination of the weak, I have developed a dog that is so genetically superior that I can finally stand here before the cameras today, as a champion.
“People will argue that it’s cruel to breed animals this way, but I say to them, look – nice shiny dog, and even nicer shiny trophy!”
Having set out to achieve what he wanted to in the dog world, Williams is now keen to take his experience of dog breeding and use it for the benefit of mankind as a whole.
He told reporters, “Can you imagine how beautiful humans would be if you left me in charge of the breeding programme for a couple of dozen generations?
“Imagine the shiny blond hair, the glowing blue eyes. It would be amazing. And then you could give me a really big trophy, a bit like this one, but maybe with a Swastika on the front?
“The more I think about it, the more I wonder why nobody has tried this before. After all, we experiment on animals all the time, and my experiments clearly show that my approach to breeding works.
“Not only that, but there’s a huge trophy in it for you, too.”