Threatening survivors of school shootings is what the Founding Fathers would have wanted, insist NRA members

author avatar by 6 years ago

As teenage survivors of the Florida school massacre, alongside grieving parents of the victims, suffer a constant online barrage of insults and threats, 2nd Amendments enthusiasts maintained that the abuse is a tribute to America’s founding revolutionaries.

In Alabama, Simon Williams, a part-time meth dealer and self-described constitutional expert, maintained that it was the spirit of 1776 that led him to hide behind a green frog avatar and tell a 16-year-old girl, who just saw her friends slaughtered, how he was going to rape her.

“People like Jefferson and Franklin were avid consumers of Enlightenment philosophy and constantly questioned the essence of man and his natural rights. So I think they would have applauded a horde of creeps claiming the massacre – that will forever traumatise an entire school’s student body – was an elaborate sham perpetrated by Jews or something.

“You only have to read Alexis De Tocqueville’s insightful reports of the early days of the American Republic to know the revolutionaries all dreamed of a day where their new nation would forget any notion of moral restraint, even in the face of horrific tragedy. MAGA!”

Mr Williams then spent a further hour explaining that George Washington’s military success against the British was why he personally needs to be armed to the teeth at all times.

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He insisted that the only thing stopping the mightiest and most advanced army in the world from imposing tyranny on the American people was the dissuasive power of an overweight man in a trailer who owns more guns than books.