Man goes from “Great! More Star Wars!” to “F*cksake, more Star Wars” in two years flat

author avatar by 6 years ago

The Walt Disney corporation has taken Star Wars fan Simon Williams from giddily enthusiastic to depressingly resigned in a little over two years, we can report.

Simon, whose memories of playing with Star Wars action figures form a warm place in his memories of an otherwise bleak 80s childhood, was initially delighted to hear that Disney planned a new trilogy of his favourite films, plus attendant television series, marketing promotions and tie-ins.

However, after only a couple of years, he admits that Star Wars every twenty minutes or so is ‘more than enough’ and he could live with a decade or two of waiting for the occasional hit after all.

“It’s really after I realised I hadn’t watched the Han Solo trailer even though it had been out for a few weeks that I thought maybe something had happened to my previous childlike wonder and delight at the series,” he told us whilst fiddling listlessly with an old Kenner Stormtrooper.

“And so I sat through it, and felt nothing but a cold emptiness – as if some kind of happiness vampire had been attached to my heart and turned my joy into nothing more than dust, ashes, and figures in Walt Disney’s bank account.”

Upon being told that Disney is planning at least six more films in the next six years – including a Yoda Film, a Boba Fett film and another trilogy – Simon did nothing more but sigh deeply and look at an old photo of himself as a child, happily creating his own stories with a Millennium Falcon, a Transformer and He-Man.