In a shocking tell-all interview, former Czech intelligence operative, Šimon Boleslaw confessed to trying to develop Jeremy Corbyn as a source but that the information he gleaned made him a laughing stock and led to his dismissal.
He explained, “It was the eighties and I had fallen prey to western vices like cocaine and English women who sleep with men in parked cars.
“Our Soviet comrades had already taken all the good spies like Philby or Burgess and we were left with the dregs. No one of importance would talk to me so I ended up focusing on this beardy-weirdy of the Opposition that was desperate to be listened to.
“I sent 247 micro-tapes back to Prague full of his opinions on how the GLC showed collective decision-making was not anathema to classical socialist doctrine.
“Eventually, I realised he wasn’t even taken seriously in his own party, but by then the Directorate had me recalled. I became a taxi driver.
“And I was lucky. Those Stasi agents who infiltrated British peace activists? What do you think happened when they spent thousands of marks just for the musings about Anarcho-veganism by some art student called Saskia? Back of neck for those poor sods.”
A Labour spokesperson denied Jeremy Corbyn ever leaked any secrets.
They told us, “We admit Jeremy Corbyn might have unwittingly met with intelligence operatives but only because they used an advanced espionage tactic of not declaring they are spies to people they meet.
“Now please fuck off as we need to decide what to do with The Sun offices once we shut those pricks down.”