Range Rover launch new 4×4 for people whose local Waitrose is halfway up a mountain

author avatar by 6 years ago

People struggling to reach ‘inaccessible’ branches of Waitrose are to be helped by the launch of a new, more powerful 4×4.

Customers have long complained that the supermarket often builds stores on sheer cliffs or hundreds of miles up the Zambezi river, which makes them difficult to reach in traditional cars.

“We’ve noticed that branches of Waitrose, schools with good OFSTED ratings, and local drama groups showing Noel Coward’s ‘Private Lives’ are often in incredibly hard-to-reach places – which is why Range Rover drivers need the biggest, most powerful machine we can produce,” said spokesman Simon Williams.

“The new model boasts all-terrain, off-road capability in the harshest of environments, meaning that if you need to get to the John Lewis on the Ross Ice Shelf you really can’t make a better choice.

“And getting your delightful children Poppy and Oliver to dance and football classes in the middle of the Gobi desert will be easier than ever before.”

Range Rover owners have greeted the new launch with cautious optimism, with many saying that conditions on the A14 just outside Girton call for a technically robust vehicle and looking like a smug twat in a tank is ‘just the price you have to pay’.