President Trump’s plan for reducing fatal shootings in school is to replace all teachers with heavily armed robo-soldier cyborgs.
The cyborgs will be soldiers augmented by technology so they are part human and part robot and governed by a controlling program to eliminate any potential threat with lethal force.
“It’s my plan. It’s a tremendous plan. Really, really great plan. There is nothing that can go wrong with this plan,” said Trump.
“The robo-soldier cyborgs will be created by the Trump Corporation.
“We’ve done literally dozens of tests and only once has a robo-soldier cyborg gone inexplicably crazy and massacred everyone in the room before going on a rampage into the local town necessitating the mobilisation of the army to take it down with only a low four-figure loss of life count.
“So that’s a comfort.”
Whilst the robo-soldier cyborgs will have limited communication skills and literally no ability to impart knowledge to children, they will have a cool stars and stripes flag across the blank slab where their face should be and ‘Trump corporation’ stamped on their metal backsides.
School districts will have to pay for the robo-soldier cyborgs, but Mr Trump promised some incentives.
“Yeah, we’re going to go with a buy ten, get one free deal and as these are mandatory across the US we can keep costs low and still maintain a great profit margin.
“It’s good news for everyone.”
The robo-soldier cyborgs will be introduced later this year, and Trump corporation is already working on an upgrade to allow them to launch small ballistic missiles.
Because what America definitely needs is more military hardware in its classrooms.