We’ll stop making money off mass shootings just as soon as the Republican Party do, confirm Internet satirists

author avatar by 5 years ago

If Marco Rubio can make three million bucks from the NRA then we can milk this too, Internet satirists have confirmed today.

Rubio, whose thoughts and prayers are as regular and as worthless as a stream of piss, rejected any suggestion that people getting shot and guns have any relationship yesterday whilst cashing a fat cheque, so screw you if you think writing clickbait mocking his position is somehow worse.

Other senior members of the Republican party who have accepted large payments in return for doing precisely nothing whatsoever to stop other people’s kids getting gunned down roughly once every 60 hours beyond spouting empty platitudes include John McCain, Richard Burr, Roy Blunt, Thom Tillis and Cory Gardner.

The list is considerably longer and easily found on the Internet, as well as the eye-wateringly large sums that they’ve received – sums of the sort the people who write this crap can only dream of.

Simon Williams, who runs popular satirical site ‘The Williams Report’, said “I mostly hammered out 200 words on the horrific absurdity of this constantly happening, with no one doing anything, as a scream of frustration.

“The tenner I might see in three months wasn’t really at the front of my mind.

“You can never entirely prevent tragedy, but you can reduce incidence by taking simple steps. And at the same time, you reduce my income.

“Kids still being alive, and both me and career politicians being paid less. You’d think more people would be in favour of that, wouldn’t you.”