Death Eaters angrily reject calls for wand-control legislation

author avatar by 6 years ago

Followers of Lord Voldemort have accused opponents of ‘politicising’ the use of the Avada Kedavra killing curse in the wake of the latest attack on Hogwarts.

Speaking on behalf of He Who Should Not be Named, Peter Pettigrew brushed aside suggestions he received a substantial donation from Lucius Malfoy and said that the aftermath of a horrendous crime is not the time to consider possible responses.

“Any suggestion that Mister Ollivander should take a few minutes to check if customers bear the Dark Mark before selling them a brand new wand is outrageous,” he said whilst pulling down his sleeve and scratching his arm uncomfortably.

“Any restriction, however small, on the ability of His followers to inflict instant death upon those who oppose them is a serious breach of their rights.

“What happened to Fred Weasley and Nymphadora Tonks is a tragedy, yes, but you can’t blame law-abiding death-eaters for the actions of a small minority, and you shouldn’t make policy based on an immediate reaction to one of the Dark Lord’s regular attempts to kill Harry Potter.

“If someone wants to keep the Elder Wand and the Imperius curse in the safety of their own home to defend themselves against Aurors and the Ministry of Magic, they have every right to do so.”

Speaking to the Daily Prophet, Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Dolores Umbridge said that ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ make an effective charm against the evil one, and proposed changing the syllabus to focus students on thought and prayer-based deterrence, rather than worrying them with the ‘spurious dangers of entirely imaginary, heavily armed, dark wizards’.