Oxfam is lacking in moral leadership, according to a government that’s f*cked thousands of people into an early grave.
Theresa May’s ministers warned that the behaviour of a minority of Oxfam employees gave them the best excuse yet to withhold more cash from those who need it most.
Meanwhile, International Development Secretary, Penny Mordaunt, insisted the charity should hand over all information regarding aid workers’ alleged use of hookers, which will then be stored on Damian Green’s hard drive – assuming there’s enough space.
Former minister and team-player, Priti Patel, also criticised Oxfam’s overseas failings, citing her recent great work in Israel as the true benchmark for quality.
And senior cabinet bastards have accused the charity of undoing vital work in Yemen, where thousands of poor people have been eradicated thanks to missiles we sold to the Saudis.
In his defence, Oxfam CEO, Simon Williams, said, “While it is regrettable that a handful of Oxfam employees may have f*cked some poor people, they, at least, received their payment on time.
“They weren’t subjected to a humiliating assessment about the kind of sexual acts they are able to perform, and the threat of sanctions if they don’t turn up.
“Granted, some of the sex might be a bit on the rough side, but nobody died waiting in an ambulance as a result of it.”
“We will make a formal apology for these incidents when the government apologies to the countless families who have lost a loved one as a direct result of their callous benefit reforms.
Haitian prostitute, Floella Ndogo, said, “We are delighted that Oxfam will safeguard against future incidents by introducing a new whistleblowing procedure, but maybe they should call it something else.”