Cadburys to remove ‘Easter’ from Easter eggs to avoid causing offence

author avatar by 6 years ago

Some dipshits are going to get angry about that headline because they think it’s true, we can confirm.

Angry morons on the Internet are up in arms today over unconfirmed reports which were just made up by lazy slackers punting for clicks, according to unconfirmed reports.

People who are willing to share just about any old bollocks as long as it conforms to their prejudices are already widely sharing stories which ten seconds on Google would categorically disprove, ensuring that a febrile atmosphere of fear and prejudice is perpetuated, experts suggest.

“Look, I’m angry and frightened, and the combination of confirmation bias and the availability heuristic created by mechanisms like Facebook knowing what I engage with, and just repeatedly showing me more of it, means that me feeling this way is not going to go away anytime soon,” said Simon Williams from the comfort of the bunker he’s built in his shed.

“This is compounded by me being emotionally wedded to my position, meaning that any contrary evidence presented to me – even when it’s utterly categorical – is instantly dismissed as lies told by stupid people for nefarious purposes.

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“Obviously I’m not stupid, as I’ve carefully researched my opinions on the same six websites which publish cherrypicked datapoints that confirm my bias and that all link to each other in return for me funding them through advertising views.

“And even if it isn’t factually true, then I’ll just claim that it illustrates a point. Which I’m sure is pretty much the same thing.”