President’s Club disbanded after behaviour of members crosses line into ‘Presidential’

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The Presidents Club says it is to close following allegations that members and attendees were behaving overly-presidential towards female hostesses at their events.

The club has disbanded after an undercover reporter for the Financial Times discovered excessively presidential behaviour among attendees at its latest fund-raiser in London.

As one eyewitness described, “Their behaviour was absolutely horrific; there was attempted pussy grabbing, excessive displays of gratuitous wealth, and the ongoing insistence that this behaviour was perfectly ‘normal’ because women will let you get away with it when you’re as rich and powerful as they are.

“The only way it could have been more presidential is if one of the dinner courses involved eating McDonald’s on a gold toilet while calling all the other London clubs shitholes.”

Former members have defended the club, insisting that everything has its price, including the dignity of the female hostesses who work there.

One such former member told us, “I don’t believe anyone had a cigar shoved inside them, or that anyone was offered $150,000 to stay quiet about a sexual encounter, so what’s the big deal?”

Hostess Sharon Williams told us, “It’s been my experience over the years that the grander the title rich men give to their private clubs, the bigger the twats they turn out to be.

“The Platinum Club, the Baron’s Circle, the Diamond Society. I’ve worked events for all of them, and the golden rule is that the more important and privileged they try to make themselves sound, the higher the chance it’s populated exclusively by arseholes.

“So it’s hardly any surprise that the worst one of all is called the President’s Club.”