Boris Johnson proposes bridge from Britain to France so he can campaign to close it again

author avatar by 5 years ago

A bridge between Britain and France would be a spiffing thing to build and then campaign to shut, Boris Johnson has proposed.

The bridge, which would stand as a symbol of international friendship and unity, would take many years and cost an absolute fortune to build before being immediately closed to stop those bloody foreigners getting in.

Johnson has offered to throw his significant political weight behind building the bridge and then, once it’s complete, slapping a slogan on the side of a bus and driving around demanding it is immediately shut down again.

”Just imagine it,” Johnson told French President Macron.

“The work of a decade. A great arc of glittering steel brushing the gulf between our two nations. Thousands toiling for years to build one of the greatest engineering achievements of our age.

“And then we could plonk a jolly great ‘No entry’ sign slap in the middle of it. Wouldn’t that be just marvellous?

“People from the continent could drive as far as halfway across the bridge before we demanded their papers and told them to get lost.

“It’s a brilliant, bloody stupid idea that would bring people together right up until the point where I’ve managed to get it closed and torn down as being a symbol of everything that is wrong with this country.

The French government is understood to be receptive to the idea of building a bridge, although officials have admitted they will have to look at ways to prevent the British from using it.