Henry Bolton forced into ‘Sophie’s choice’ between racist job and racist lover

author avatar by 5 years ago

UKIP leader and gargoyle Henry Bolton was left with a life-changing decision on whether to keep his racist job or his relationship with a racist woman.

Following the shock revelation that his girlfriend had Hitler-ish views on Meghan Markle, the wizened prune and current UKIP leader was placed under extreme pressure from his party to end the relationship with the glamour model many years his junior, so as not to damage UKIP’s fine history of slightly less blatant racism.

UKIP spokesperson Simon Williams addressed press this morning saying, “We are delighted to hear that Henry has left his lover. Lovely girl though she is, you can’t be that overtly racist and hope not to bring this fine party into disrepute.

“It’s not that we don’t have racist supporters or members, it’s just that they’re a bit better at hiding the more obvious elements of it.

“She has undermined the slightly more subtle, more generally xenophobic racism that UKIP is known for by specifically discussing the colour of Meghan Markle’s skin, and we can’t have people thinking we are those kinds of racists now, can we?”

Occasional UKIP leader Nigel Farage agreed that Bolton had made the right choice in leaving his girlfriend of a few months, tweeting, “Much as though I would have loved to become leader of UKIP again, I am happy that Henry is staying on.

“There are plenty more gold-digging glamour-modelling fish in the sea, and many of them are much better at being closet racists.

“And if Jo wants a shoulder to cry on, I’m currently single, you know where to find me. Please.”