Donald Trump has proved he’s as smart as he says by refusing to go south if the Thames.
Trump, who had been planning to visit London this year, called the trip off after discovering he’d have to stay in Battersea.
It is understood that when told the trip would involve a journey to Wandsworth, the driver of the Presidential Limo – ‘The Beast’ – sucked his teeth and said “It’ll cost you, squire, especially with the roadworks on the South Bank.
“The President is a busy man, and nobody with any sense who is short of time goes south of the river after dark,” we were told.
”We put the new embassy there because not even ISIS want to drive over Battersea Bridge at rush hour, giving foolproof security against attacks.”
The Leader of the Free World will reschedule his trip to next year, when he will stay at a Travelodge in Victoria because it’s less of a faff.